" "Hey, looking good today, Jane, got a special date tonight?" Even the guys who know I'm married leer at me. I don't know her name, but I know her every part as though I've been studying nothing else for months. Her left hand, usually with a little black on the paper side where she's been drawing. Her quick eye, dark chocolate brown, seeing much more than I can, flashing. Her little satisfied smile when her drawing is going well. Her little grimaces when she wants to change things. Long raven hair, just a few gray strands, pulled back into a pair of braids, usually pinned up on her head. Nice gray wool cardigan and jeans. Her neck, with the little stray hairs I always want to sweep away so she can feel on her neck what she's doing to mine. She takes my breath away sometimes. I don't remember when I started thinking about touching her hair and neck. Probably about the time I started really watching her draw. I usually only get glimpses of her drawings as she's flipping the page over. “Yes,” I say again, even louder this time. “Pick me!”I’m nearly at the base of the stage and can see Benny much better now. He looks over at me with scared, worried eyes. He nods apologetically but then forces a smile when he realizes what I’ve just done. He can’t say it, but I read it clearly through his demeanour. He’s grateful beyond words and thanking me adamantly with that bashful smile of his.I nod back in his direction knowing he owes me nothing. I’ve already let him down in the worse possible way and I won’t make that mistake again. In fact, it’s me who should be thanking him for the opportunity to make things up to him.Seeing him alive and well is all the thanks I’ll ever need.“Thank you Buck,” he mouths.“Be safe,” I shout back before tearing my eyes away from his.I don’t know how he’s here or why he’s not fucking dead, but I can’t worry about that right now. Thinking about Benny will not help me please a spawn of Satan and that’s my only shot at survival. If I prove.
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